Aw gee whiz you guys! Did U here teh Good News? Vampy WEAKndz are streaming new album at they MahSpace 
Can’t wait to revue in reel tyme zOMG! Eatin’ th’ puddin’!
“Horchata” – A troubling tale in which the Vamps are forcibly coerced from the Cape Cod IHOP for requesting a Horchata-based substitute in the acclaimed Rutti Tutti Fresh & Fruity dish (make that four plz!). A good story with a moral – play it cool in the ‘HOP before they toss you out in the street and get your Dockers dirty. The bridge goes into disgusting detail about Ezra Koenig’s afrobeat-influenced lactose intolerance. Song sucks, however.
“White Sky” – Heavy jug influence on this one. This song is about trolling the Collected Animals board for new ideas. It’s alright.
“Holiday” – The defining statement of Upper West Side Soweto Jared Leto, “Holiday” is a whimsical journey exploring the warm memories all children have – receiving your first Lacoste sweater for Christmas, the merriment and joy on dear Father’s yacht, Aegean Sea fishing trips, tee times with the playdates, learning to bake brandied fig truffles to bring to your prep school class, and private Lamellophone lessons - coupled with, of course, lyrics that you could double dutch on the jump rope to. Song probably sucks.
“California English” – This is the exposition to a three-part politically-charged suite. The band takes their first issue-based stance, extolling the virtues of English as the official language of the United States, with preference to interjections “like,” “awwwww-esome,” and “dude” as properly recognized usage. The sound is reminiscent of Kevin Costner & The Modern West meets total club banger. Song sucks.
“Taxi Cab” – Continuing with said theme, “Taxi Cab” concerns the band missing a celebrity-laden BBQ fundraising gala because they couldn’t effectively communicate with their cabbie (see the themes explored in “California English”). Settled for a more modest meal of foie gras with coriander-spiced rice pilaf at a charming Chelsea-area bistro (though Ezra eschews his pedigree, lamenting that he wants to be like “common people” and enjoy a heaping pile of IHOP’s Rutti Tutti Fresh and Fruity – see “Horchata”). A heart-wrenching, tragic song. Kinda sucks, though.
“Run” – The third and final installment of the political narrative, the band is forced to run to their next Vogue photo shoot since they ran behind schedule. Bummer. Reminiscent of Kris Kross’ “I Missed the Bus” meets, I think, Barenaked Ladies.
“Cousins” – This song is about wanting to have afrobeat-influenced forbidden fuckins with your cousins. Originally titled “Banging Proper (Polanski’s Lament).” High-larious, but ultimately shitty.
“Giving Up the Gun” – This song deals with the time honored practice of administering your first beege for initiation to the Skull & Bones society. A lovely, heartwarming reflection on innocence lost and coming to terms with your sexuality. I can get behind that. Still sucks, but in a different way.
“Diplomat’s Son” – Murtaugh is still the family man. Riggs is still the daredevil, but now he counts the odds before bucking them. This time, Riggs and Murtaugh are on the trail of South African diplomats who are using their immunity to engage in criminal activities. Along the way, there’s a six-story plummet from a window, a booby-trapped toilet, an underwater escape, and, most importantly, frisbee golf.
“I Think Ur a Contra” – A criticism of Columbia University’s English department. Originally titled “I Think Ur a Contra lol.” A decent battle cry, but ultimately sucks.
[Editor's Note: Didn't actually listen to Contra. Thanks to Jah Beezy for his additional insights on this review. It's also worth mentioning that TDT writer Michael Hansen has had a lobster dinner purchased for him, not once, but twice by Mr. Bill Cosby. Have him tell you the story.]
Fagen-Becker Quality Rating
