No doubt that regular readers are familiar with the satirical Billy Corgan Twitter gimmick. It’s really taken off in a ways that I could not have foreseen, and I have to assume that you all might be interested in an update. First, Corgan himself has acknowledged its existence.

Official statement from the Pumpkin King, found in paragraph six of his mission statement thesis:

I do plan on doing other things coming up though. I have notions to start 2 other bands and also release some more solo work. I would love to get into more details on those projects but I would like to secure the domain names first because I don’t want to have to fight to get them back later. It’s bad enough that I have someone posing as me on Twitter LOL…the general idea is the work of the other groups and solo may intertwine with the SP album as far as a release schedule would go. But I’m all ready ahead of myself there

Yes, it is bad enough.

It’s hard to glean exactly how he feels about it, though. I mean, he does finish the sentence with a hearty lol (in ALL CAPS). So perhaps he has a sense of humor after all. Or… it could also be the type of lawl that’s more along the lines of “heh heh… cute. Kill him.” That remains to be seen, but I’ve gone on and removed my mailing address from this blog.

At the very least, of course, I’m thankful that fake Billy is still around to discuss his drama (today Billy is bummed because Dave Grohl won’t drum with him, claiming he doesn’t play in one-man bands… not to mention he also sat on his bucket hat by accident).

A lot of people get the jokes and are as entertained by these web 2.0 antics as I am. However, I’m quite dismayed at how many people still really think they’re talking to Billy – despite the fact that the bio line reads “completely satirical,” despite the fact that the profile picture is an image of Lord Voldemort from the Harry Potter series, despite the completely insane things said on there, despite Billy’s own acknowledgement that the account is indeed a fake. That’s insane, ya’ll.

And now radio stations are reading the Corgan Twitter!

Marco is a DJ for Star 98.7 in Los Angeles, as well as the beloved KEXP, which of course, I listen to all the time for them hott Lykke Li remixxxes lolz.

notmarcocollins@Billy_Corgan Wondering what you think about The Silversun Pickups? Damn, their new CD sound familiar…
Billy_Corgan@notmarcocollins I have no idea who they are. I really only listen to Taproot and my music, save for all the drummers next weekend
987LA Hey fellow tweeters, It’s @notmarcocollins. At 11:50am, I’m gonna play the new Silversun Pickups & read a tweet I got from @Billy_corgan!

I didn’t hear it myself, but its announcement was confirmed:

ltldollclaudia@Billy_Corgan Some jackass on the radio quoted the wish remark today, saying” Listen to what Billy tweeted. Wow, how deep.” LOL
ltldollclaudia@Billy_Corgan He doesn’t know it’s satire, apparently. What a Johnny Douche.

And of course, there’s the fans as well. Wishful thinking, I assume, is the catalyst for the cognitive dissonance. I hope I’m not being too big of a jerk by messing with these people.

Stoked this bro shared his MySpace with me:

Edwardgug@Billy_Corgan yo billy! my favorite album of yours is your solo album
Billy_Corgan@Edwardgug Really? Shit, I don’t even like TheFutureEmbrace.
Edwardgug@Billy_Corgan why not man? its one of your best I think! Still one of my favorite records! Im a musician too myspace.com/edwarduglielmino

Billy instructing people how to properly parent:

Barbie1492@Billy_Corgan You rock Billy!!! My 5 yr old daughter and I love ya. You are our favorite.
Billy_Corgan@Barbie1492 Your 5 year old shouldn’t be listening to my music. Don’t you know that I cuss?!

This has to be my favorite conversation. Here Billy demonstrates prose similar to what’s found in his poetry book Blinking With Fists. At least this dude’s trying to do his homework, though:

kylespringford@Billy_Corgan Loved Blinking With Fists, are you thinking about releasing another poetry book in the future?
Billy_Corgan@kylespringford Does a bear wear a funny hat? Does the Pope shit in the woods?
kylespringford@SmashingPumpkin is @Billy_Corgan fake?

At first I thought I was a little harsh, but after some consideration, I think Corgan really feels this way:

jaqroy@Billy_Corgan hi billy i was at your show november 15th at the wang! great show, loved everything! your music changed my life!
Billy_Corgan@jaqroy Thanks for the support, but the existence of Smashing Pumpkins does not rely on whether you all come to our shows or not.

Not much more to add – this entry sorta wrote itself.  Stay tuned for more news and merriment as it develops. It’s worth sharing a few of my favorite exchanges from people that do get it, just to keep things balanced…

eillumination@Billy_Corgan I didn’t even know you wore pants anymore. I’ve only seen you in dresses, skirts, and sun-god costumes lately.

Billy_Corgan: Fuck you guys. Tila Tequila is an amazing young woman whom I respect a lot. Pants-Off Dance-Off is an incredible, groundbreaking show, too.
FloppyNono@billy_corgan but did u get hed?
Billy_Corgan@FloppyNono Oh, indeed I did. Her specific pleasures we lovingly call “Tequila Sunrise.” But you didn’t hear that from me *WINK*

I HEART YOU BILLY CORGAN! Here’s my “Heart You” Mix, brah.

MP3 :::
The Free Design – Love You
Boredoms – (Heart)
Numbers – I Love You ‘Til I Don’t
West Coast Pop Art Experimental Band – Funny How Love Can Be
Pia Fraus – Loveloops
MV & EE with the Bummer Road – Drive is That I Love You
Ciccone Youth – Addicted to Love

Well sheeit, if I knew that so many people were coming over to see me and peep the Vampire Weekend demos, I would’ve cleaned up a little more around here.  Ya know, some fancy animated GIFs, better karaoke performances, cOoL vIdEoS, vacuumed a little, etc.

A couple of thoughts on the prank/social experiment yesterday:

1) I knew Vampire Weekend was popular, but holy shit, I had several thousand visitors within a couple of hours. I have ambivalent feelings about this. On the one hand, the exposure of The Decibel Tolls to a new, wide audience was great. On the other, it’s disheartening that a lot of better bands and artists don’t receive those nice perks of the massive hype machine that the Vamps were able to produce. Sad on the inside. But whatever, that’s how the world works, right? I forget who said it, but I always enjoyed the quote “morality is the way the world should be and economics is the way the world actually is.”

2) The Vamp crowd is decidedly a younger crowd, yet seems more mature than many of the people I encounter through other stunts this blog has produced.  The responses I received yesterday all showcased people with a pretty good sense of humor.  Whereas the fake Billy Corgan Twitter yields a lot of flame mail from the Pumpkinheads, an older crowd, I received a lot of good responses in the comments and my inbox that made me say “touché.” Thanks for being good sports, ya’ll.

Now, some people were curious about what exactly the tracks really were. Here’s the revelation:

“Tube Socks and Trust Funds” – Oh… oh, you thought it was the Vamps at first, but then realized… fuck, it’s “Gumboots” from Paul Simon’s Graceland. FML.

“Cape Cod Shuffle” – This is Captain & Tenille’s “Love Will Keep Us Together” (a staple of the Keep Louisville Smooth DJ set). This was included because, I think, if Vampire Weekend increased their coolness by 400-500%, they would probably come pretty close to the good Captain and his shipmate Toni Tenille.

“Just a J Crew Holiday” – This is my friend Mark Evans with an old project of his called Lesbian Peanut Butter (I caught that reference, Mark). They wrote original music as well, but this track is their riverboat folk cover of KoRn’s “Blind.” When discussing KoRn, do you have to type in toggle case? Is that AP style? Anyway, thanks again, Mark. That song rules!

“Hello to You, Africa!!” – Nope, not Merzbow. It’s Kites, from his 2006 album Peace Trials, which is probably my favorite power electronics noise album. The composition of this song represents my feelings that the Vamps probably don’t really care that much about Africa. Since there was some interest in this record, I’ve included additional MP3s below for your consideration. If you dig it, you can grip that album over at Load.

“Country Club Blues” – this is ol’ Kenny Bloggins doing a one-take a capella karaoke of Collective Soul’s 1994 smash hit “Shine,” with a little spread chorus and reverb added for effect.

MP3 :::
Kites – Dirt
Kites – Flag Torn Apart

I am so psyched to get a hold of these clutch gems.  A good friend of mine in New York City who’s in and out of the circle of trust within XL Records and a few other labels passed me on a pretty exciting, exclusive sneak peak at what Vampire Weekend’s been up to. This friend, obviously, will remain unnamed so he/she doesn’t lose his/her job. Be sure to check them out NOW, as it’s only a matter of time before I’m asked to removed these.

Turns out that Warner Brothers is shopping around and is considering adding Vampire Weekend to their roster. The group quietly entered the studio for a couple of days and recorded some unmastered demos that will (probably) comprise some of their next album for the label execs to hear.

These are the working titles as labeled on the master tapes.  My friend sent me a quick cell phone image (above) as these were being passed around the office. I’m really pleased to present these to you, and I have to say, what I’ve heard so far I like. I always applaud a different direction or approach to a signature sound like Vampire Weekend’s. If these demos are any indication, the next album is looking really good from here!

MP3 :::
Vampire Weekend – Tube Socks and Trust Funds
Vampire Weekend – Cape Cod Shuffle
Vampire Weekend – Just a J Crew Holiday
Vampire Weekend – Hello To You, Africa
Vampire Weekend – Country Club Blues

As I mentioned a couple of weeks ago, I created a fake Billy Corgan Twitter. My friend Josh back in Chicago had started a hilarious Jean Claude Van Damme Twitter (”ate all the pancake batter. im going to have to do a lot of crunches today”), and I decided to join the fray. I wanted to create a Twitter of someone that wouldn’t be a cliche (such as, say, Twittering Jesus Christ or something), someone who had enough “personality” to properly satirize, someone who I had some biographic knowledge of, and a public figure who truly fascinates me. Billy Corgan fit.

Growing up, Smashing Pumpkins were my favorite band.  Billy never seemed like a rock star – he rocked a schoolboy haircut and donned tacky polyester shirts and corduroy pants.  He was totally rad.  Then sometime in the latter ’90s, Corgan came back from outer space with a shiny head, ghoulish veneer, black tunic, and moon boots; his ability to write music unfortunately decimated upon entering the chrono-synclastic infundibulum.  It was weird.  Even weirder, he turned one of the best mainstream rock bands of recent memory into a really sad joke, and no one else can be blamed but Corgan himself. Hence, he’s gotsta get a satirical Twitter.  However, what started out as pure entertainment (with a slight bit of commentary, of course) took off and turned into something truly interesting.

Billy Corgan has provided us many, many antics within just the past year.  Antics that are not the actions of a rational human being – or even a rational-for-a-rockstar human being.  And these actions, to me, launch him to the same level of self-parody as JCVD.

It’s pretty easy to keep up with Billy’s antics, as well, thanks to fan site Hipsters United. I discovered this blog after they linked to a story I wrote for Tiny Mix Tapes about the reunion/not reunion tour (it was called “Corgan and Company Release Documentary, But I’d Rather Have Another Book of Poetry” – still amused by that title).  The article’s lead was a joke: “What does Billy Corgan and Charlie from Flowers for Algernon have in common? They both went from brilliant to retarded in a short period of time.”  They called me out by name and told me I was a doo-doo head for my unkind words, which is okay.  At the time, it wasn’t nice to rain on their 20th anniversary parade, though the train wreck that unfolded across the nation last fall did somewhat justify my words.

Anyway, what’s truly odd about Hipsters United is that it’s a fan site that makes Billy look worse than sites and blogs that slam him. This is not their fault completely. That is to say, by default, if you’re objectively reporting on Billy Corgan, you will make him look bad because he consistently does dumb shit that makes himself look bad. They really will publish something about whatever he’s doing at any particular time, and will republish all sorts of very unflattering interviews and articles.  If it has to do with Billy, it’s up.  And unfortunately, everything he does and says is rather tragic and unintentionally funny. So there’s proof one – Corgan’s numbskullery is so profound that he comes off as a moron on his own fan sites.

The problem is, however, no one really (in theory) loves Jean Claude Van Damme, and everyone should be privy to the fact that the Notorious B.I.G. is not alive to tweet.  People still really love this Billy Corgan fellow, despite his insterstellar toolishness.  And these people are rather dismayed to find out that my Twitter is not the real Billy Corgan – despite the fact that the bio line reads “Not real, though many of these words were said at some point by the real BC.”

This is true. I lift many direct quotes from a December 2008 interview with the Tribune’s Greg Kot. Some of these quotes are unbelievable. Billy has admitted that he loves pro wrestling (even appearing on the WWE), and here, he sounds like a wrestler giving a speech right after the entrance music plays. Other choice quotes are lifting from his much-publicized online journal (what is a “warrior of light”?).  Actual stage banter is also fair game.  This interview also provides some great quotes, which amounts to “we are still the most amazing band we know and our audience is stupid for not liking it”:

So Billy tweets pretty often and on myriad subjects, usually concerning (but not limited to): how the Cubs and wrestling are his only interests these days, how he is Smashing Pumpkins and the Smashing Pumpkins are him, being pissed at Courtney Love, doing whatever manager Irving Azoff tells him to do (including speaking to Congress on his behalf), how dropped D is the only tuning to write music in, how often he fucks porn stars (namely Sasha Grey winner of the 2008 AVN for Best 3-Way), wanting more silver pants and/or Victorian dresses, talking about his goofy lawsuits that he has already defaulted on multiple times, and how the radio needs to pay him more.  The joke well runs deep and plentiful – and sometimes you can’t make this stuff up.  Also, for some reason, my version of Billy Corgan describes everything as “clutch.” Don’t ask why.

The result is, well, an amalgamation of actual insane quotes and my own insane additions and exaggerations that have, I guess, convinced a lot of people that I am the real Billy Corgan.  And as mentioned earlier, people are rather pissed that I’m not.  Witness the comedie humaine:

Al—–77@Billy_Corgan wow, had no idea about this issue, thank you for your activitism! yes, you look very studious! cant wait to see u play!
Billy_Corgan@Al—–77 Thanks, but I’m no activist. Just went to DC b/c Irving told me to. I have only one cause I care about: http://tinyurl.com/c463lc

Me—-se@Billy_Corgan and i would like to be the one to slide off those silver pants! your just lovely
Billy_Corgan@Me—-se Sorry, only Courtney gets cock privileges

Billy_CorganMe—-se@Billy_Corgan gay- not the real bill. boring. but do u know him? bang-bang
Billy_Corgan@Me—-se What do you mean by “gay”?
Billy_Corgan I am sometimes careless with words. I am just frustrated b/c i really thought i was cool for a sec for “exchanging words”w/bc
Billy_Corgan@Me—-se Gotta be careful what you say, you know? Especially if you’re talking to that fucktard Jim DeRotagis at the Sun Times

Me—-se@Billy_Corgan:Since you are NOT B.C. can’t you at least have the consideration in using quatation marks. Or stop talking in 1st person? Grrr
Me—-se@Billy_Corgan:*quotation marks- sp error. happens frequently. Either way- you get it.
Billy_Corgan@Me—-se Smashing Pumpkins are not an error, and if you think so, fine, but God will judge you too one day
Billy_Corgan@Me—-se Oh, you meant spelling error. My bad. Whenever someone types in sp I assume they’re talking about my band
Me—-se@Billy_Corgan i know… actually same here whenever i write “sp” it automatically registers in my brain as the pumpkins too.
Me—-se@Billy_Corgan back to my point though. don’t you think you should be ” “ing, instead of pretending to be my desired manimal? It’s kinda rude
Billy_Corgan@Me—-se This guy cracks me up – @cwalken [Editor's Note: See, I'm not posturing to really, ya know, be Billy. This is a pretty obvious clue that this is meant to be satire, like Chrisopher Walken's Twitter]
Me—-se@Billy_Corgan …ditto. AGAIN- Y R U PRETENDING TO BE “B.C”? Still rather lame. instead of being a fake. at least make it a tribute site.

This is just one example.  Of course, it’s certainly worth mentioning that some people do get it:

hi—–or@Billy_Corgan So I heard a chunk of Today on NPR yesterday. I was pissed for you.
Billy_Corgan@hipfactor Oh, they will pay me. And since NPR is listener supported, ultimately, your friends and family will too.

But it’s the people who don’t get it (and/or have no sense of humor) that I find even more interesting.  As a matter of fact, it’s rather thought-provoking that I can say things like “only Courtney gets cock privileges,” and such an outrageous quote is still enough within the realm of things the real Billy might say that a good portion of my followers believe this is authentic. Part of it may just be wishful thinking, sure, but I think this also proves how far Billy has removed himself from our planet over the past few years.

It makes me sad. Billy Corgan was a musical idol to me growing up. Siamese Dream is still one of my favorite albums – so much so that “Luna” might be me and L-Train’s wedding song. That’s major, ya’ll. And this assclown, who wrote music that has some of the most meaning to me, continuously pisses on his own legacy by writing modern rock radio borecore, not learning to shut the fuck up, and acting like a total dingus the likes of which the world has not before seen.

Look, I don’t care that the Pumpkins absolutely abandoned all their versatility and wrote two albums worth of songs that are nothing but metal and industrial-informed, dropped-D arena anthems that sound like “Marquis in Spade” over and over again.  It does truly bother me that I can’t say I love the (early) Pumpkins with a straight face.  It does bother me that Billy truly believes that Zeitgeist is the best thing they’ve ever done. Why reboot the Pumpkins (while refusing to call it a “reunion” – see LJ post) if all you’re going to do is rehash Machina?  It violates the brilliance that their early career should be enjoying but can’t (since he won’t keep his damn mouth shut).  It’s what Chuck Klosterman said :”However, the band’s reputation seems to erode every year, and I suspect it’s mostly because people don’t like Billy Corgan. And the reason they don’t like him is that (ironically) he’s too honest during interviews, which wouldn’t be a problem were it not for the fact that he honestly believes he’s a goddamn genius.”  The Pumpkins would’ve had a solid legacy if Billy stopped playing slap-dick with the press after Adore (and certainly if he stopped playing slap-dick and staging public therapy sessions with his own fans).  I mean, God bless.

Yes, in theory, only the music should matter. But anyone who denies what I call the “associative listening experience” is naive and/or in denial. We all associate songs with ideas, memories, moods, and the like.  The idea of something being overrated or underrated originates from this phenomenon – as you associate a piece of music or an artist with the press it gets.  Billy’s infantile actions, since they are novel and epic in scope, have overshadowed the music for me and a lot of other folks. This is why bands that are inspired by the Pumpkins don’t really admit it.

What all this says about the nature of Twitter, Web 2.0, and bluh bluh bluh is a whole other subject. I can speak about what this says about me, though. Why do I take in so much joy in this insane Twitter? Besides the enjoyment of observing the aforementioned reactions to such absurdity and running full-throttle on smart-ass, I’ve also felt that there is more truth in satire, paradoxically, than any other institution.  I’m tired of people apologizing for this guy.  He knows how to write really amazing music (see Gish through Mellon Collie) and how to be an engaging pop culture figure without cheapening himself to a spectacle that tarnishes the band’s actual repetoire of music.  It’s a calling-out, so to speak. And Kenny Bloggins is the self-appointed man to do it!

Well anyway, I’m sure one of these days, perhaps soon, the real William Patrick Corgan, Jr. will find out about the Twitter and I’ll get a cease and desist and/or account suspension from them. It’ll be sad, but I’ll comply.  Then maybe Billy will start an authentic Twitter account for himself, wherein he can wax all day on God and how tight Zeitgeist is and how everyone sucks except him and whoever he’s grooving with these days. I feel it won’t be as entertaining, though.

If I could speak to the real Billy Corgan, I would love to tell him to quit while he was ahead, notwithstanding that it’s far too late for that anyway.

MP3 :::
Frank Zappa – Nasal Retentive Calliope Music

It really was accident, or at least it wasn’t my intent to provoke a fight, but I guess that’s what happens when you poke a sleeping dragon in the eye.  I did not mean to get in an online nerd fight with Anton Newcombe.  I love the Brian Jonestown Massacre.  I can prove it, just look at my Last.fm, they get mad play… just like me, HEY-OH!

Anyway, here’s the story of the infamous pissing contest between myself and Anton Newcombe by way of the Brian Jonestown Massacre’s MySpazzz that I’ve been promising for quite some time.  It’s a good one.

I realize that I have just forfeit my ability to ever interview Anton by publishing this, but this story is just too good to keep in limbo.  A caveat: I do feel kinda bad that I claimed he wasn’t doing anything before I was aware that My Bloody Underground was already in the works.  However, it was never my intent to be mean, I just felt that there was a correlation between the advent of MySpace/YouTube/et al. and the sudden dropoff of BJM’s output.  I still think that’s fair. Here’s the original write-up I did describing the conversation which happened almost one year ago today…

So, as some of you are aware, I’ve been a big fan of the Brian Jonestown Massacre going on, oh, five years or so. Since around the release of This is Our Music. Of course, the documentary Dig has augmented the BJM’s legend and name recognition. In addition, if you’ve seen Dig, then you understand that the brainchild of the band, Anton Newcombe, despite being impressively prolific, is utterly batshit crazy.

Anton is MySpace friends with Lana, as she is also a fan of the band’s music. Since Lana is a cute young lady and Anton is 20 years her senior, he enjoys sending her messages from time to time and comments on pictures of her in a not-necessarily-appropriate manner. I think this is hilarious. However, on a daily basis, Anton posts two to four bulletins waxing nonsensical political musings betwixt random YouTube videos that have some half-conceived and hair-brained correlation. Be it as it may.

A few days ago, I decide that, still being a BJM fan, I’m tired of not having any new material to enjoy since Anton’s too infatuated with the same interests as tweens and pedos. I write him a message from Lana’s name (with idiosyncratic netspeak in tow), figuring that he would respond better to a cute girl than a scruffy dudeface…

anton,

look… you’re very musically talented && i love the bjm so much… so why don’t you fucking get the hell off myspace for ONCE && follow up the WE ARE THE RADIO ep, which was supposed to be the teaser for a new full length that we haven’t even been close to seeing because you’re on goddamned myspace and youtube all day!!!

LL

And Anton replies, much in the vein of the father in A Christmas Story whose vitriolic torrents of pseudo-vulgarities borders on the surreal…

why don’t you blow me fake bitch.
fucking stupid cunt look on youtube cia whore.
i don’t need turd pirate.

for nothin.
fuck you and led zeplin.

delete

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=antonfjordson

Better yet, he writes this on his blog with the subject “mail bag : satan 19 year old fuck jar writes(used).” So now Lana’s getting mail from both foes of Anton’s insolence and sycophantic Anton apologists. Some wrote messages like “good one!” whilst others felt that we needed to leave poor homeboy alone. One blog comment read: “you are always online, like a freakin tweaker, however, the girl is tryin to give you a compliment so dont be such a dickhead anton. send ted my regards.” His response was classic: “fuck you too. be productive. delete.” Obviously, as a polemist of sorts, this aggression will not stand, man.

I, also, don’t need turd pirate.

hey now, no need to be mean and spell led zeppelin incorrectly.

all i’m saying is that i’d like to see a new album. NOT an online release or another shortcut, a NEW JAM with artwork, a physical record, and some of the best songwriting around today. i just feel that myspace and youtube are hindering this, considering that you wrote and recorded, what, THREE albums in 1996 && now it’s been at least THAT many years since we’ve seen new shit. we had the best of retrospective in’ 04 (no new jams), and then only four songs in ‘05 with the”mini-album.” that’s bullshit, anton. i made a visual aid to demonstrate this point.

let’s get the ball rolling, anton. if not, i may have to bump the warhols up a bit on my playlists.

see? do not want.

stop being a fucktard.

also, thanks to my admirers from my original post. your support is appreciated.