For example, did you know that there’s a popular theory circulating among the Intarwebz and evangelicals stating that Barack Obama could be the Antichrist? Not so much in a political sense (oh noes! socialized medicine!), but in a “Bible predicted this, ya’ll” sort of way. Pretty neato skeeto.

Obama’s popularity is beyond a fever pitch here in Chicago, so I don’t have much of a litmus test concerning his popularity nationwide. I mean, he’s a rockstar in Chicago. You can buy shirts at Urban Outfitters. My understanding, though, is that Barackorama is quite pervasive everywhere. It makes sense – this is a logical equal-and-opposite reaction to the fear-induced eight years of “what to do/not to do lest the terrorists win” sort of mindset.

According to a (I assume) fringe doctrine however, Obama’s national popularity, international adoration, and general charisma parallels interpretations of Revelation’s Antichrist. McC seems to already be on this tip. Jesus W. Christ.

First, let me say that I’m certainly voting for Obama, whether he’s the Antichrist or not (sorry mom). I’ve already demonstrated that I have an apocalyptic death wish, but that is neither here nor there. There’s a sweeping array of reasons as to why Barack has earned my vote, but I’d rather not make this a political entry, per se, since I alredy did that on niner eleven. Not only does Obama provide the answers for the issues most important to me – the environment and health care – as well as offer a political and social paradigm shift, but he also seems like he would groove to Microcastle. John McCain doesn’t. And if you can’t groove to Microcastle, I can’t groove with you. Plus, I really like him. Isn’t it time to have a likable, non-slimy POTUS?

Five minute Photoshooop!

I also have to say that, being a young and left-leaning moderate raised in the most racially integrated landscape yet, I would feel quite shitty about the first black president also being the Antichrist through simple happenstance. I mean, the apocalypse would harsh my mellow as well, but the former point is totally a bummer. That would really set back race relations for the remaining time on our planet, among other things.

Anyway, a “barack obama antichrist” search query yields approximately 384,000 results. A number of headlines and websites keep the Antichrist gears turning. Everything’s been cited – from his charisma and international sycophancy, to his connections with Islam (which amounts to, um, his name and a little circumstantial evidence), to his temple-like DNC podium, to various other 666-branding claims and general, insurmountable snake-handlin’ Protestant poppycock. Conservative Christian author Hal Lindsey wrote in WorldNetDaily, “Obama is correct in saying that the world is ready for someone like him — a messiah-like figure, charismatic and glib … The Bible calls that leader the Antichrist. And it seems apparent that the world is now ready to make his acquaintance.” News Blaze compiles many coincidences between the conditions Revelation lays out for the Antichrist rollin’ through and the current worldwide climate. Zounds!

And then there’s the emails that may have made it to your inbox with a big ol’ nasty FWD in the subject:

According to the Book of Revelations the anti-christ is: The anti-christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuassive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal…. the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destory everything. Is it OBAMA??

::: ::: :::

How long is the beast allowed to have authority in Revelations? Guess the Answer? Revelations Chapter 13 tells us it is 42 months, and you know what that is.

Almost a four-year term to a Presidency!

ZOMG!!1111!!! IS IT TEH OBAMAZ?!?!11one!?!!

Amazing.

Snopes has already debunked this. Ron Reagan and Bill Jeff Clinton received the same treatment as well, but without the help of the Intarwebz so their run for Antichrist was not as well documented.  Now… this whole recurring “X or Y is the Antichrist” theme seems to suggest that many of our politicians and lawmakers in the free world share qualities with the Antichrist, no matter how you slice it. How does that make you feel? Makes me feel crummy, personally. I have no deep analysis on this issue though, as I’m not a Bible scholar (I do have a poli sci minor though, but it doesn’t help). I just think the whole thing is fascinating.

Anyway, I thought I’d share this with you, dear reader, for somethin’ to chew on. Fringe Nostradamus-eque theories are always interesting to me, whether they’re lulz-worthy or not. If this theory is true, though, my girlfriend and I are gettin’ our asses to church and will start watchin’ The 700 Club instead of House.

But ya know, maybe I sorta want Obama to be the Antichrist. Considering the Rapture… the thought of having, at the very least, a couple of days without evangelical morons on the planet sounds really appealing to me. Plus, I’ve never looted before. I’d like to do that before I die.

MP3 :::
The United States of America – The American Metaphysical Circus
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness – We Choose Faces

This is a special Super Swingin’ Mix… because it might be the last one ever. I threw links in this post like you eat lunch.

As I’ve mentioned before, Swan Fungus is one of my favorite blogs out there (along with WFMU’s and Raven Sings the Blues). With regard to the former, I like the author’s idea of yanking a bunch of news stories together and then posting totally righteous jam hives that may or may not have anything to do with what he’s writing about. I’m going to steal that idea (with attribution of course), but up the ante a bit and try to relate the music to a news story. Anton Newcombe does this a lot on his MySpazzz blog, which is how I accidentally got into an online dork fight with him – a story I’ll save for another day. I take that back – we might all be dead on Wednesday if CERN fucks up their lil’ Big Bang experiment. So maybe you won’t get that story from me. That’s probably the least of your concerns.

All in all, recreating the origin of our universe and all of existence will probably be tits. And I totally administer props to CERN for trying to book Spiritualized to perform in celebration of this experiment. But in the off chance that something gets unequivocally fucked in this decidedly dubious pow-wow, I might not go to work Wednesday. I do not want to die sitting at my desk. I mean, that would be fucking sad. I think I’ll kick it at home, grab some beer technology, and have tons of monumental sex with my girlfriend instead, which is a better power play on apocalypse day. I also don’t plan to write a living will and testament, since not even light can escape the extreme, space-time-continuum-bending gravitational force of a black hole, suggesting that my estate probably won’t stay intact anyhow. So don’t plan on getting my Wii.

If you’re not hip to what CERN’s up to these days, EU and US scientists are totally gonna recreate the state of the universe immediately after the Big Bang, deep below the alps, with the 17-mile long Large Hadron Collider. It’s (supposedly) the most massive experiment ever conducted. But it also is (supposedly) a potential gnarly scene. Sounds rad to me either way. Luckily, even if the jive-like worst case scenario manifests itself, Stephen Colbert’s DNA will be floating in space somewhere for extraterrestrials to clone and manipulate and shit.

Here’s yr. research style, with slammin’ animated GIFs to boot. Theoretical physics rules my life. I wish I had my girlfriend’s copy of Paul Davies’ How to Build a Time Machine with me to shed some additional light, for you dear readers, on the stability of black holes and wormholes… stuff like that. Lest we forget those pesky strangelets, as well. If I had to write a headline, I think I’d title it “Hardcore Celestial Happenstance Harshes Mellows Worldwide.”

But even if Wednesday’s flippin’ of the switch goes as smooth as Michael McDonald, we still have that whole The North Pole Ice Cap is an Island For the First Time in Human History thing going on. I’d like to thank the Baby Boomers for fucking my generation, and future generations, over. Tiiiiiight. Thanks guys!

So to celebrate CERN doin’ it live, I’ve gathered a few pleasant, apocalyptic canticles to provide the perfect soundtrack for either a efficiently swallowed Earth (a la CERN), or a slowly dying Earth (a la mankind’s insolence). I’ve always found Bardo Pond to be pretty fitting end-of-the-world bumper music, so I included a couple tracks from them. I’m super pumped about the songs I chose. Though not every jam specifically addresses an accidental astrophysical clusterfuck – the titles, themes, mood, et al. convey a general things-are-fucked notion. I mean, you can’t argue that Boris and Kites aren’t par for the endtymez course. Catch one Cold War reference and one Revelations allegory, and you’ll win something yet to be determined. Leave a comment below.

So happy Monday, you guyses. Prepare to die lol.

MP3 :::
Bardo Pond – This Time (So Fucked)
Bardo Pond – Night of Frogs
The Warlocks – Come Save Us
Boris – Blackout
Love – The Red Telephone
M83 – God of Thunder
The Besnard Lakes – Devastation
Loop – Black Sun
The Vaselines – No Hope
Kites – Exploded Face
Akron/Family – Don’t Be Afraid, You’re Already Dead