To Whichever BBQ Bro It May Concern,

Hey everybody! What’s good? Not much here. Just getting ready to fuck up a can of Campbell’s Chunky for lunch. Should rule.

Welp… heard you all got in a lil’ pickle outside of Nashville in Hopkinsville, Ky. Got nailed for having a lil’ “controlled substance” for party hard solutions. That’s a bummer, man. It’s kinda like the song “Rollin’ Dirty” with the Bone Thug bros. I probably would’ve been humming that to myself if I were in a similar situation. Anyway, good to hear you’re out of the slammer. Hope you followed protocol and bitched up to someone. I’ve not been incarcerated myself, but it’s my understanding that doing such is just good standard operating procedure. When in Rome, amirite?

Alright, let’s get to brass tacks. I read in a recent interview with Sam Hunt, your booking agent with Windish (who’s a super great guy who helped us secure a lot of awesome shows for WRFL when I hung tough there – tell him we said hello), who gave the local reporter in Hopkinsville a couple of preliminary ruminations from the band: “I’d kind of be surprised if they played again,” Hunt said. “It’s been a real drag, you know? It’s been a real shame for a lot of reasons. They’ll probably never set foot in Kentucky again.”

Ever play again? What, are you guys that wimpy? That shit’s sad, Khan. Lil’ Wayne’s getting his ass arrested all the time, but he still seems to release 500 mixtapes a year and rock a House of Blues or two. I mean, you’re following in a fine tradition of rock stars sporting the fluorescent jumpsuit – check out Rolling Stone’s Hall of Fame. Work this to your advantage. All press is good press, guys. That’s PR 101.

Secondly – “never set foot in Kentucky again”? Dude, that’s some Laguna Beach shit. Like, “She tried to hook up with Stephen, I’m never talking to that bitch again.” What’s with the pedestrian playground mentality? You guys are Pitchfork fodder with a deece record contract. Time to put on the big boy pants now.

Look… unfortunately, there’s no room in this letter to discuss the nature of the war on drugs. Sure, it totally sucks you all were arrested and jailed for a non-violent crime and drug laws in the states are kinda fucked. But the fact of the matter is, right or wrong, the law is the law, and drugs are crazy illegal (see your local statute book and The Wire). So if you’re going to do something illegal, don’t get caught. If you have drugs in the car, it should go without saying that you roll careful style. And if you don’t successfully evade Johnny Law, displacing blame for getting caught with your own stash (that you’re fully aware is not legal) is kinda immature and makes you sorta look like an asshole. Just sayin’.

I understand that you weren’t pulled over for speeding or the like, but were stopped at a random safety checkpoint. Regardless, an officer cannot search your vehicle (”illegal search and seizure” in legalese) in any case without either probable cause or your consent.

The band’s official statement said “officers located a controlled substance in the cab of the vehicle.” That begs the question – how did the officers locate your shroomage? Did you allow them to search your van?  Or did you have your paraphernalia all strewn about the vehicle, providing plain sight probable cause? If it’s the former, what the hell? I have nothing else to say to you. If it’s the latter… dude, hide your shit. Especially at checkpoints! It didn’t exactly sneak up on you, ya know! The majority of the Interstate system is comprised of long stretches of completely straight asphalt, as per the original Eisenhower plan. Especially in places like western Kentucky where it’s flat!

The only other scenario I can picture is that manager Kristin Klein’s expired or suspended license warranted the search. Maybe someone who had a driver license should’ve been behind the wheel. Again, good job.

So, like, all things considered, responding to your own ineptitude by saying “fuck this state, we’re never coming here again” is rather asinine, don’t you think? Saving face and manning up is a good style. Just somethin’ to chew on. If you do decide to tour these parts again though, The Decibel Tolls will be more than happy to sponsor it. Shit, I’ll even give you some pointers and show you how I hide my own stash and keep my mouth shut.

Best,
Kenny Bloggins

MP3 :::
Times New Viking – City on Drugs
The Rain Parade – Prisoners
Ariel Pink – House Arrest
Mazzy Star – Free

O JUNK YA’LLZ!!1 I’VE BEEN SOOOO BAKED 2DAY I ALMOST 4GOT TO PUT 2GETHER A MIX FOR 420. I’M LIKE THAT ADULTERER IN THE BIBLE STORY… LOVE TO GET STONED, KNOW WUT I’M SAYING?!?!?! NAH I’M JUST KIDDING.

N-E WAYZ, 420 IS MAH FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND I CELEBRATE IT EVERY YEAR B/C I FEEL IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE LEGALIZE THE GANJ. GRASS HELPS ME AND OTHER PPL FIND OUT THE TRUTH IN THINGS. AND U KNOW WHAT? MAN, I’LL TELL YOU WHAT THE REAL CRIME IS… IT’S WHEN OUR FASCIST GOVERNMENT TELL US… WAIT, MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT DERAILED. O WELL, LOL. BUT YEAH, AS I SAID EARLIER I MADE YA’LLZ A MIX TO BRING IN THE HOLIDAY RIGHT. ALSO, IF U WANT TO SMOKE GRASS BUT CAN’T ROLL A DEECE J, HERE’S HOW TO MAKE A GRAVITY BONG WITH HOUSEHOLD ITEMS. PEACE.

For this classroom activity, you will need:
- Kitchen mop bucket (preferably unused or at least thoroughly washed)
- a 2-liter bottle
- Sink faucet screen with nut (the lil’ doo-dad where the water comes out)
- Aluminum foil
- Knife or scissors
- Access to municipal tap water, yo

THIS IS 4 TOBACCO USE ONLY, THO, SO DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME WITH N-E THING ELSE *WIIINKZ NUDGE*

Fill bucket about 3/4 with water. Cut four small incisions at the bottom of the plastic bottle. Remove bottle cap, replace with sink screen and nut, and pad bottle nozzle tightly with aluminum foil (don’t want any of the tobackee smoke *wiiink* to get out).  Fill screen with your favorite flavored tobacco. Push bottle toward bottom of bucket. Light tobacco and slowly pull bottle up out of water. Remove cap, put mouth on bottle nozzle then slowly start pushing bottle back down into bucket while inhaling. And viola! ENJOI YR. FINE AMERICAN GROWN TOBACCO PRODUCTS LOLZ.

IF YA’LLZ HAVE N-E ?’S U CAN HIT ME UP ON AIM MY SCREENNAME IS SMOAK420

If you do get busted by the po-lice for enjoyin’ the finer things in life, tell them that you got these gravity “tobacco” bong instructions from Gorilla Vs. Bear, ya know what I’m sayin’.

MP3 :::
Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso UFO – Ange Mecanique De Saturne
Magik Markers – There is No Path Which is Not Straight
Loop – Fade Out
Comets on Fire – Jaybird
Pink Floyd – Astronomy Domine
Darker My Love – I Feel Fine
The Byrds – Space Odyssey
Landing – Gravitational 2
Cloudland Canyon – Mothlight Part 1
Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – Gettin’ High in the Morning
The Black Angels – Snake in the Grass
13th Floor Elevators – Slip Inside This House
Deerhunter – Octet
Frank Zappa – Flower Punk

Today’s lesson:  if you have a music blog, don’t say anything less than glorifying about whatever Animal Collective just dropped, lest you want to feel the fury of indie rock dorks.  It’s understandable.  As far as I know, The Decibel Tolls is the only blog, or media in general anywhere, that didn’t find Merriweather Post Pavilion boner-inducing while traditionally praising the group in the past.  It’s also the second most viewed post on this blog of all time.  Far out.  Some selected comments from the review and my responses behind the jump…

“also frightened” the best song? really?? don’t get me wrong, I like it but it’s one of the lesser entries on this album… that is to say one of the least memorable tracks… Hopefully you’ll do yourself a favor and withhold judgment before you listen to it a few more times.

You have a different opinion than mine? Really??  Don’t get me wrong, I understand that not everyone can agree on everything (Israel and Hamas lol), but the fact that “Brothersport” doesn’t blow your dome open like it does mine is a real cockpunch and it’s just like… ya know, woah dude.  uR a MoRon, KeNnY bLoGgiNs.  Legalize weed 420.

No, but seriously, I’ve listened to it a few more times with an open mind, and I feel pretty much the same as I did when I liveblogged my first listen.  There are both flashes of brilliance and flashes of banality.  Again, this is just one dude’s opinion, and it’s the dissenting one.  MPP is good, but not great.  To me, it seemingly leaves out a lot of the sonic exploration that made Feels and Danse Manitee so intriguing.

Brothersport sounds absolutely nothing like “under the sea” which is a stab at Caribbean, not African, music.

Yes it does.

I received a few other comments, and even some letters directed to me.  Perhaps I’ll address those another day.  In the interim, I wrote a different review (with similar slant) for LEO Weekly, and that shizz will hit newsstands thoughout Metro Louisville this Wednesday. Looking forward to additional correspondence about that one, too.

To give you, dear readers, a better idea of where I’m coming from, I’ve included a track that represents what I love about Animal Collective and why Merriweather Post Pavilion just didn’t do it for me.  No, my opinion isn’t “wrong” for not liking it, I just enjoy AC’s more headfucky and funky material, like this choice live rendition “Country Fuck” (later known as “Turn Into Something” that closed out Feels). The 7-minute zone out coda here is, for my taste, better than everything on MPP.  If that’s not your bag, then neither is this blog, so I guess go touch weiners with the Stereogum dudes over a Blitzen Trapper jam or somethin’.

Anyway, this was recorded on April 30, 2005, a very fond memory of mine.  The concert was sponsored by UK’s college radio station WRFL 88.1 the year I was general manager.  All of the show’s helping hands, with the exception of two, went M.I.A. (as in missing, not as in that chick from British India who keeps her lips perpetually persed and rocks out hip-hop for NPR listeners), so I was pretty proud that we pulled the show off without a hitch, especially after it sold out.  Getting a personalized concert by hanging out in front of the stage for the sound czech was beyond amazing and pretty much made everything worth it. And enjoying Ariel Pink as an opener was almost too much awesome to take in.  But you know what’s funny… at the time, a lot of people seemed to find both Ariel Pink and Animal Collective “unlistenable,” as in, we lost a chunk of the crowd halfway through the show. It’s strange to think now, but I wasn’t surprised at the time, since there wasn’t much of Sung Tongs material played.  How the paradigm shifts, I suppose.

The University of Kentucky is a dry campus, and as WRFL is student-funded, we were obliged to, ya know, not provide beer on the band’s rider.  So after the show, my friend John Edwards (no relation to the cheatin’ dog politician or the psychic medium) and I brought both Animal Collective and Ariel Pink to our favorite bar, Buster’s. The guys were super pleasant, as they were the second time I ran into them during their show while under the employ of The Dame in May of ‘07, where they premiered the majority of Strawberry Jam.  Noah helped me hang up and straighten a couple of large posters as I tried to get the concert hall looking spiffy for a most excellent show.  I like Animal Collective as people as well as artists.  Just not Merriweather Post Pavilion so much.

Okay… a little long winded, yes, but I wanted to provide the history and nostalgia behind said MP3.  I’m including an Ariel Pink track, too – not just because they opened the aforementioned show, but because it’s called “Crying” and I wanted to dedicate it to the haters.

MP3:::
Animal Collective – Country Fuck/Turn Into Something (Live @ ArtsPlace, 4.30.05)
Ariel Pink – Crying

That’s right. I’m joining ranks with some pretty big, arena-ready, major label blogs. I’m now a contributor/guest writer for I Guess I’m Floating, where I will helm a new feature called Reel Time Reviews.

As regular readers will recall, last month I sat and reviewed Deerhunter’s Microcastle/Weird Era Cont. by way of live blogging, publishing my thoughts as they came to me – to interesting results. Connor from IGIF really dug it, and I will now being doing the same thing for I Guess I’m Floating every now and again.

Of course, I’ll still offer my live blogging album reviews here as well (as a matter of fact, look for the real time review of Gang Gang Dance’s Saint Dymphna either tomorrow or Tuesday). However, my reviews on this blog versus the Reel Time Reviews on IGIF will be unequivocally distinct, as in, I’ll probably be looking at more indie and pop-friendly albums for Reel Time Reviews, and keep the weirdo shit here on The Decibel Tolls. I love pop music too, ya know.

So that’s it.  Look for my column this week, and feel free to drop me a line and call me a sell out.

MP3 :::
Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – Interesting Results

For those who were absent last time… the Super Swingin’ Mix is, like, a fuckton of MP3s in a single post focused on a particular genre or theme. The songs sequenced are meant to be listened to, ya know, as a mix. Hence, it’s recommended that you enjoy each song in order without commercial interruption. So you should hit Apple + T (or Ctrl + T for you, egad, PC users) on that shit, throw some D’s on that bitch, and keep the MP3s on this page rockin’ whilst you browse whatever it is you browse on the Internets. Rotate thy volume dial clockwise. Tinnitus for days. Today, you guys are getting nine blockbusters – a veritable kaleidoscope of face melters. Nine! That’s one more than eight psychedelic rock bangers to jolly you up and lubricate that brain. Nobody keeps it hype like The Decibel Tolls. Nobody. Pass that Electric Kool Aid.

Now… I have to say that I’m decently pumped for this weekend’s Flugtag. Thanks to the seven useless years (seben jahren!) of German I took throughout school, I can tell ya that Flugtag, directly translated, means “fly day.” What Flugtag really is, though, is the most amazingly, exultantly dumbtarded event ever, which is why I’m stoked for it. Though I had aspirations to participate, it’ll be just as rowdy to observe. You see, this Saturday, September 6th, hundreds will converge onto North Avenue Beach (here in Chicago) to watch their peers launch makeshift flying machines off a 30 ft. ramp into Lake Michigan. Yes, flying machines.

Better living through technology. Behold the Flugan. Would’ve been awesomer if it had some rims up on that piece:

Back to the point, this is my first year going to Flugtag. My friends have already informed me that, unlike Orville and Wilbur, no one actually gets airborne. It’s like watching a skateboarding video – the fun lies in watching failure after failure after failure. Lift vs. drag… shit’s hard.

So yes, completely pointless and asinine. Should be awesome. The shebang takes off (hardy har har) at 11 a.m., which, if you’re not a morning person, shouldn’t be a problem as Flugtag is brought to you by Red Bull (because Red Bull “gives you wings,” you see). So chances are, there will probably be a lot of free RB, as that company is wont to drive around and sling that shit hither and fro for free. That’ll be rad, since Red Bull is a good replacement for drinking Antifreeze, which I like to do when I can. Czech Flugtag’s lil’ webby guy here for more info.

Irrelevant aside: Astute observers will notice that the Flugtag site uses my fuckin’ font – Gotham Book Condensed. That’s mine, dudes. Did you know there’s a documentary about fonts called Helvetica? Did you know that my girlfriend totally will not let me rent this for us to watch?

So to celebrate Flugtag and a possibly righteous weekend ahead, here’s a most triumphant mix of sick cuts to tax that ass and assist in maximum stokeditude. As you’re probably aware, I use any excuse I can to throw a bunch of jams together and send ‘em out there. Billy Corgan does the same thing, except he does that with his own shitty music. Enjoy the mix, and a gold star for those who “connect the dots” (protip: all of the song or artist names have to deal, in some way, with flying… you… did you see what I did there?).

MP3 :::
The Free Design – HowDjadoo (Fly Me Down)
Pentangle – Light Flight
Landing – Fluency of Colors
Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – Flying Circles
The Byrds – Eight Miles High [BBC Session]
Broadcast – You Can Fall
Experimental Aircraft – Electric Surgery
The Telescopes – Flying
Pink Floyd – Point Me at the Sky [BBC Session]

A lot of small, relevant snippets of information have been appearing on my newsdesk in the past couple of hours, so I figured, why not dump everything in my action items box into one convenient, slammin’ post. So here’s all the news fit to print, in one post. It will help augment my lack of posting over the weekend, as I will be out of town. The timing was a little bad considering…

Ariel Pink Hits the Bottle This Weekend… Hard

Ariel Pink, on his 2008 “Thanks Mom, I’m Dead” tour, is now bringin’ it proper with a lush, full band. I’m interested to hear this, considering the last time I saw Ariel’s twisted AM radio golden pop was his opening spot for Animal Collective during the Sung Tongs tour. They sounded (sonically, not compostionally) like shit, just like on album. I wonder if this same interpretation will happen full band (featuring members of Indian Jewelry, Lilys and Beachwood Sparks). Philadelphia’s singing-at-the-bottom-of-a-well siren Tickley Feather opens the New York, Philly, and Baltimore shows. I know nothing about Tickley Feather’s live show, but the recorded material is sick! As for local action, Ariel Pink hits the Empty Bottle in Chicago this Saturday (totally feelin’ sad panda for missing this). Please see it for me – take photos!

7/19 San Francisco, CA Cell Space
7/21 Salt Lake City, UT Kilby Court
7/22 Denver, CO Larimer Lounge
7/24 Omaha, NE Slowdown
7/25 Minneapolis, MN 7th Street Entry
7/26 Chicago, IL Empty Bottle
7/27 Toronto, ONT TBA
7/28 Montreal, QC Zoobizarre
7/29 Boston, MA TT The Bears
7/30 New York, NY Knitting Factory
7/31 New Haven, CT People’s Center
8/1 Philadelphia, PA M Room
8/2 Baltimore, MD Sonar
8/4 Atlanta, GA Eyedrum
8/5 Tallahassee, FL Beta Bar
8/6 Baton Rouge, LA Spanish Moon
8/7 Houston, TX Walter’s on Washington
8/8 Denton, TX Hailey’s
8/9 Austin, TX Mohawk
8/11 Tucson, AZ Plush
8/12 Los Angeles, CA Echo

Ariel Pink’s Haunted Grafitti – Inmates of Heartache
Tickley Feather – Natural

Lightning Bolt and Wooden Shjips Do ATP’s Release the Bats

Halloween is the only holiday I really celebrate, and if I can locate a few extra thousand dollars (plus exchange rate fund) lying aruond, I may just take a hajj to London’s Forum on October 31 for ATP’s Release the Bats. No, I probably won’t make it, but you Britons should take the trip to see Lightning Bolt and Wooden Shjips, then tell me how it was. Lightning Bolt, who refuse to play on a stage, is worth traveling any distance to see, for their energy, face melting performance, and sheer unadulterated volume. Wooden Shjips will be fun to see live, as well, since they will be testing lots of new material for the follow up to their airborne self-titled. ATP is encouraging people to dress spooky. Considering LB is booked – shouldn’t be a problem.

Lightning Bolt – Duel in the Deep
Wooden Shjips – Lousin’ Time

Watch Anton Newcombe Woo His Peers and Neighbors in DIG!

DIG is an amazing documentary by Ondi Timoner outlining the seven year trajectory of two very aesthetically different groups, starting from the same place, but creating two vastly incongruent story arcs (with the Brian Jonestown Massacre acting as the undeniable central force, the immovable object, like the Joker in the Dark Knight). Totally fascinating – sometimes you just can’t make this stuff up. Of course, a lot has been written and discussed concerning the general insanity provoked by Anton and company (which I think is kinda cool in a psychotic way). What really matters is the music, ultimately, and this film holds true to this ideal.

Now, thanks to SnagFilm, you can watch this riveting piece of human drama – for free. Way rad. Czech out DIG here, or go on and watch it all up in that lil’ widget dude above! Technology is fucking aces.

Personally, I love every Brian Jonestown Massacre record. But even if you’re not into the music, the movie is more than entertaining. If you do love the BJM, there’s tons of great music throughout. You should definitely buy the DVD if you like the flick, since the DVD is packed with tons of great deleted footage, extras, and BJM performances. In a later post, I have quite a story concerning my epic run-in with Mr. Newcombe. Look out for that, but in the meantime, enjoy a lil’ guy from the We are the Radio EP.

Brian Jonestown Massacre – Seer