O JUNK YA’LLZ!!1 I’VE BEEN SOOOO BAKED 2DAY I ALMOST 4GOT TO PUT 2GETHER A MIX FOR 420. I’M LIKE THAT ADULTERER IN THE BIBLE STORY… LOVE TO GET STONED, KNOW WUT I’M SAYING?!?!?! NAH I’M JUST KIDDING.

N-E WAYZ, 420 IS MAH FAVORITE HOLIDAY AND I CELEBRATE IT EVERY YEAR B/C I FEEL IT IS IMPORTANT THAT WE LEGALIZE THE GANJ. GRASS HELPS ME AND OTHER PPL FIND OUT THE TRUTH IN THINGS. AND U KNOW WHAT? MAN, I’LL TELL YOU WHAT THE REAL CRIME IS… IT’S WHEN OUR FASCIST GOVERNMENT TELL US… WAIT, MY TRAIN OF THOUGHT DERAILED. O WELL, LOL. BUT YEAH, AS I SAID EARLIER I MADE YA’LLZ A MIX TO BRING IN THE HOLIDAY RIGHT. ALSO, IF U WANT TO SMOKE GRASS BUT CAN’T ROLL A DEECE J, HERE’S HOW TO MAKE A GRAVITY BONG WITH HOUSEHOLD ITEMS. PEACE.

For this classroom activity, you will need:
- Kitchen mop bucket (preferably unused or at least thoroughly washed)
- a 2-liter bottle
- Sink faucet screen with nut (the lil’ doo-dad where the water comes out)
- Aluminum foil
- Knife or scissors
- Access to municipal tap water, yo

THIS IS 4 TOBACCO USE ONLY, THO, SO DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME WITH N-E THING ELSE *WIIINKZ NUDGE*

Fill bucket about 3/4 with water. Cut four small incisions at the bottom of the plastic bottle. Remove bottle cap, replace with sink screen and nut, and pad bottle nozzle tightly with aluminum foil (don’t want any of the tobackee smoke *wiiink* to get out).  Fill screen with your favorite flavored tobacco. Push bottle toward bottom of bucket. Light tobacco and slowly pull bottle up out of water. Remove cap, put mouth on bottle nozzle then slowly start pushing bottle back down into bucket while inhaling. And viola! ENJOI YR. FINE AMERICAN GROWN TOBACCO PRODUCTS LOLZ.

IF YA’LLZ HAVE N-E ?’S U CAN HIT ME UP ON AIM MY SCREENNAME IS SMOAK420

If you do get busted by the po-lice for enjoyin’ the finer things in life, tell them that you got these gravity “tobacco” bong instructions from Gorilla Vs. Bear, ya know what I’m sayin’.

MP3 :::
Acid Mothers Temple & The Melting Paraiso UFO – Ange Mecanique De Saturne
Magik Markers – There is No Path Which is Not Straight
Loop – Fade Out
Comets on Fire – Jaybird
Pink Floyd – Astronomy Domine
Darker My Love – I Feel Fine
The Byrds – Space Odyssey
Landing – Gravitational 2
Cloudland Canyon – Mothlight Part 1
Ariel Pink’s Haunted Graffiti – Gettin’ High in the Morning
The Black Angels – Snake in the Grass
13th Floor Elevators – Slip Inside This House
Deerhunter – Octet
Frank Zappa – Flower Punk

This is a special Super Swingin’ Mix… because it might be the last one ever. I threw links in this post like you eat lunch.

As I’ve mentioned before, Swan Fungus is one of my favorite blogs out there (along with WFMU’s and Raven Sings the Blues). With regard to the former, I like the author’s idea of yanking a bunch of news stories together and then posting totally righteous jam hives that may or may not have anything to do with what he’s writing about. I’m going to steal that idea (with attribution of course), but up the ante a bit and try to relate the music to a news story. Anton Newcombe does this a lot on his MySpazzz blog, which is how I accidentally got into an online dork fight with him – a story I’ll save for another day. I take that back – we might all be dead on Wednesday if CERN fucks up their lil’ Big Bang experiment. So maybe you won’t get that story from me. That’s probably the least of your concerns.

All in all, recreating the origin of our universe and all of existence will probably be tits. And I totally administer props to CERN for trying to book Spiritualized to perform in celebration of this experiment. But in the off chance that something gets unequivocally fucked in this decidedly dubious pow-wow, I might not go to work Wednesday. I do not want to die sitting at my desk. I mean, that would be fucking sad. I think I’ll kick it at home, grab some beer technology, and have tons of monumental sex with my girlfriend instead, which is a better power play on apocalypse day. I also don’t plan to write a living will and testament, since not even light can escape the extreme, space-time-continuum-bending gravitational force of a black hole, suggesting that my estate probably won’t stay intact anyhow. So don’t plan on getting my Wii.

If you’re not hip to what CERN’s up to these days, EU and US scientists are totally gonna recreate the state of the universe immediately after the Big Bang, deep below the alps, with the 17-mile long Large Hadron Collider. It’s (supposedly) the most massive experiment ever conducted. But it also is (supposedly) a potential gnarly scene. Sounds rad to me either way. Luckily, even if the jive-like worst case scenario manifests itself, Stephen Colbert’s DNA will be floating in space somewhere for extraterrestrials to clone and manipulate and shit.

Here’s yr. research style, with slammin’ animated GIFs to boot. Theoretical physics rules my life. I wish I had my girlfriend’s copy of Paul Davies’ How to Build a Time Machine with me to shed some additional light, for you dear readers, on the stability of black holes and wormholes… stuff like that. Lest we forget those pesky strangelets, as well. If I had to write a headline, I think I’d title it “Hardcore Celestial Happenstance Harshes Mellows Worldwide.”

But even if Wednesday’s flippin’ of the switch goes as smooth as Michael McDonald, we still have that whole The North Pole Ice Cap is an Island For the First Time in Human History thing going on. I’d like to thank the Baby Boomers for fucking my generation, and future generations, over. Tiiiiiight. Thanks guys!

So to celebrate CERN doin’ it live, I’ve gathered a few pleasant, apocalyptic canticles to provide the perfect soundtrack for either a efficiently swallowed Earth (a la CERN), or a slowly dying Earth (a la mankind’s insolence). I’ve always found Bardo Pond to be pretty fitting end-of-the-world bumper music, so I included a couple tracks from them. I’m super pumped about the songs I chose. Though not every jam specifically addresses an accidental astrophysical clusterfuck – the titles, themes, mood, et al. convey a general things-are-fucked notion. I mean, you can’t argue that Boris and Kites aren’t par for the endtymez course. Catch one Cold War reference and one Revelations allegory, and you’ll win something yet to be determined. Leave a comment below.

So happy Monday, you guyses. Prepare to die lol.

MP3 :::
Bardo Pond – This Time (So Fucked)
Bardo Pond – Night of Frogs
The Warlocks – Come Save Us
Boris – Blackout
Love – The Red Telephone
M83 – God of Thunder
The Besnard Lakes – Devastation
Loop – Black Sun
The Vaselines – No Hope
Kites – Exploded Face
Akron/Family – Don’t Be Afraid, You’re Already Dead

I’ve been violently cranking Religious Knives as of late. I saw them once with, I think, Wizzardz (a Lightning Bolt side project). Or maybe it was Zodiac Mountain. I don’t remember. Either way, Religious Knives is boss, and reminds me of one of my forgotten favorites – Loop. More on that in a bit.

Religious Knives‘ latest is called Resin, just released on No Fun with my friends Hair Police. For those who haven’t roomed with pot dealers like I have, resin is the residue left in pipes and bongs after, um, religious marijuana use. I think pothead lexicons are funny, and New York-based Religious Knives makes no bones about what they’re, ya know, about. Or perhaps it’s tongue-in-cheek. You can never tell on paper. Regardless, tune in, turn on, drop out. Hallucinogenic anthems abound.

Loop was a nasty, abominable scourge on the pop-friendly C86 camp in late ’80s Britain. Foul beasts they were, Loop demonstrated their intent to keep music solemnly evil with 1989’s Fade Out. Neither image above is the cover of Fade Out, by the way. The one on the left might be 16 Dreams, which I do not have. There just aren’t a lot of Loop photos floating around.

Lore has it that Spacemen 3 hated them for reasons that remain unclear. They’re often compared to Spacemen 3, but Loop is decidedly closer to Blue Cheer and Hawkwind. They never changed their sound, so all their albums are equally good. I just tend to gravitate toward Fade Out, I guess, because it has the best hooks. Loop albums are extremely difficult to find. I nabbed my burned copy from my college’s radio station about four years ago. Best stoner metal ever recorded, in my not-humble opinion. Loop got off the couch long enough to start a MySpazzz for your soc-networking pleasure.

Since we’re dealing with some evil, sinister psych that you might hear at an Aleister Crowley-hosted dinner party… dude, czech out these skulls. Animated GIFs are awesome. Skulls are awesomer. CRUCIAL!

Throw them horns up.

MP3 :::
Religious Knives – In the Back
Loop – Black Sun
Loop – Fade Out