An intense ice storm swept over Louisville this week.  Something like a quarter million people around Louisville are still without power.  Things are apocalyptic.  And my car has a branch on it. 

It makes you think.  I can remember, lucidly, what he was like before he had a huge fucking branch on him.  He’s a 1996 Toyota Camry.  He’s got four doors that open, as well as close.  The “y” is missing on the rear end, so when you ghost ride up from behind, my automobile reads more like “Camr.”  That’s where he got his name – Camr’on – named after one of my favorite songwriters (though the apostrophe is in a different place than the actual Cam’ron for logistical purposes).  Camr’on and I shared good times and bad.  He trudged on like a fucking champ all throughout the holiday pilgrimage quest.  He takes me to and from work.  He was excited to take us to camping trips in the spring, as well.

Camr’on was efficient – usually scoring 28 to 30 MPG highway.  He’s top of his class.  Camr’on has a V6 and does not fuck around.  It’s not easy being green, but Camr’on pulls it off well.  Under some light, he looks blue.  And under other light, he looks happy.

Though I will also cherish the memories that I had of Camr’on before he had a branch on him, I will love and accept this new Cam’ron.  It’s just like when my grandfather got Alzheimer’s.  You learn to love the new person just the same.  I’ll miss you Camr’on Sans Branch, but I’m ready to help you (and I as well) learn to accept your new branchful life, Camr’on.

MP3 :::
Incredible String Band – Swift As the Wind
High Places – The Storm
Grouper – Wind and Snow
Swirlies – Park the Car By the Side of the Road
Mayo Thompson – Around the Home
Can – Swan Song
United States of America – Coming Down

For example, did you know that there’s a popular theory circulating among the Intarwebz and evangelicals stating that Barack Obama could be the Antichrist? Not so much in a political sense (oh noes! socialized medicine!), but in a “Bible predicted this, ya’ll” sort of way. Pretty neato skeeto.

Obama’s popularity is beyond a fever pitch here in Chicago, so I don’t have much of a litmus test concerning his popularity nationwide. I mean, he’s a rockstar in Chicago. You can buy shirts at Urban Outfitters. My understanding, though, is that Barackorama is quite pervasive everywhere. It makes sense – this is a logical equal-and-opposite reaction to the fear-induced eight years of “what to do/not to do lest the terrorists win” sort of mindset.

According to a (I assume) fringe doctrine however, Obama’s national popularity, international adoration, and general charisma parallels interpretations of Revelation’s Antichrist. McC seems to already be on this tip. Jesus W. Christ.

First, let me say that I’m certainly voting for Obama, whether he’s the Antichrist or not (sorry mom). I’ve already demonstrated that I have an apocalyptic death wish, but that is neither here nor there. There’s a sweeping array of reasons as to why Barack has earned my vote, but I’d rather not make this a political entry, per se, since I alredy did that on niner eleven. Not only does Obama provide the answers for the issues most important to me – the environment and health care – as well as offer a political and social paradigm shift, but he also seems like he would groove to Microcastle. John McCain doesn’t. And if you can’t groove to Microcastle, I can’t groove with you. Plus, I really like him. Isn’t it time to have a likable, non-slimy POTUS?

Five minute Photoshooop!

I also have to say that, being a young and left-leaning moderate raised in the most racially integrated landscape yet, I would feel quite shitty about the first black president also being the Antichrist through simple happenstance. I mean, the apocalypse would harsh my mellow as well, but the former point is totally a bummer. That would really set back race relations for the remaining time on our planet, among other things.

Anyway, a “barack obama antichrist” search query yields approximately 384,000 results. A number of headlines and websites keep the Antichrist gears turning. Everything’s been cited – from his charisma and international sycophancy, to his connections with Islam (which amounts to, um, his name and a little circumstantial evidence), to his temple-like DNC podium, to various other 666-branding claims and general, insurmountable snake-handlin’ Protestant poppycock. Conservative Christian author Hal Lindsey wrote in WorldNetDaily, “Obama is correct in saying that the world is ready for someone like him — a messiah-like figure, charismatic and glib … The Bible calls that leader the Antichrist. And it seems apparent that the world is now ready to make his acquaintance.” News Blaze compiles many coincidences between the conditions Revelation lays out for the Antichrist rollin’ through and the current worldwide climate. Zounds!

And then there’s the emails that may have made it to your inbox with a big ol’ nasty FWD in the subject:

According to the Book of Revelations the anti-christ is: The anti-christ will be a man, in his 40s, of MUSLIM descent, who will deceive the nations with persuassive language, and have a MASSIVE Christ-like appeal…. the prophecy says that people will flock to him and he will promise false hope and world peace, and when he is in power, will destory everything. Is it OBAMA??

::: ::: :::

How long is the beast allowed to have authority in Revelations? Guess the Answer? Revelations Chapter 13 tells us it is 42 months, and you know what that is.

Almost a four-year term to a Presidency!

ZOMG!!1111!!! IS IT TEH OBAMAZ?!?!11one!?!!

Amazing.

Snopes has already debunked this. Ron Reagan and Bill Jeff Clinton received the same treatment as well, but without the help of the Intarwebz so their run for Antichrist was not as well documented.  Now… this whole recurring “X or Y is the Antichrist” theme seems to suggest that many of our politicians and lawmakers in the free world share qualities with the Antichrist, no matter how you slice it. How does that make you feel? Makes me feel crummy, personally. I have no deep analysis on this issue though, as I’m not a Bible scholar (I do have a poli sci minor though, but it doesn’t help). I just think the whole thing is fascinating.

Anyway, I thought I’d share this with you, dear reader, for somethin’ to chew on. Fringe Nostradamus-eque theories are always interesting to me, whether they’re lulz-worthy or not. If this theory is true, though, my girlfriend and I are gettin’ our asses to church and will start watchin’ The 700 Club instead of House.

But ya know, maybe I sorta want Obama to be the Antichrist. Considering the Rapture… the thought of having, at the very least, a couple of days without evangelical morons on the planet sounds really appealing to me. Plus, I’ve never looted before. I’d like to do that before I die.

MP3 :::
The United States of America – The American Metaphysical Circus
I Love You But I’ve Chosen Darkness – We Choose Faces

I’m still blown away every time I consider that this album, their one and only eponymous record, was recorded in 1967!

The United States of America was so far ahead of its time that it sounds futuristic even today. “The American Metaphysical Circus” provides a starting point for the marriage of psych pop with soaring melodic choruses, noise flourishes, and electronic structures adopted later by groups like Broadcast, Need New Body, early Stereolab, et al. Also make note of wonderfully drugged out lyrics: “and the price is right, the cost of one admission is your mind.” Word. “Heresy” is a better and more interesting outtake of “Coming Down” off the original release, and almost evokes a very distinct baroque flavor that, despite its major key tendencies, feels somewhat ominous. Hands down one of the most underrated artists of the ’60s.

MP3 :::
The United States of America – Heresy
The United States of America – The American Metaphysical Circus

Happy America Day…