Of course we have a lot to be thankful for. I have righteous friends, family that thinks I’m pretty cool, good health, attractive/awesome girlfriend, cool toys, and decent grub in the fridge. I would be remiss to mention that. But it kinda should go without saying that, as a semi-rational person, I’m thankful for all the aforementioned. Only a douchebag wouldn’t be thankful for these basic life components. Well… okay, so I am kind of a douchebag, but that fact notwithstanding, I give thanks. However, The Decibel Tolls is not a folksy, feel-good Garrison Keeler corner of the Internet, and there’s a lot to NOT be thankful for in 2K9:
Vampire Weekend still exists, people still like them, and they have a new jam coming out. I still hate everything about this fucking band, and I’m really not looking forward to being bombarded on the Internet and in the press on a daily basis about the giant shit their about to take on the world called Cuntra over the next few months. Dammit. So many great artists get swept under the rug while these smarmy hacks (who write songs about exotic drinks and yachts, which my blog bro Sean at Buzzgrinder pointed out is strictly reserved for hip-hop artists and hip-hop artists alone) absorb all limelight like a fucking black hole. I am not thankful for this.
Glenn Beck also continues to exist. I support an almost texturalist interpretation of the First Amendment’s preferred position – freedom of speech. But this dude scares me. He’s bringing the militias out of the woodwork. Methinks it’s entirely possible that some Anarchist Cookbook shit is about to go down. Also, his fat sweaty face and recessed eyes are particularly creepy and punchable. Do not want. Not thankful.
Billy Corgan developed a Twitter page funnier than my own satirical account (see Publicity Stunts for additional reference), complete with the username of just “Billy” (Just Billy should be a sticom). Dude stole my thunder and made it less fun for me by (unintentionally) making fun of himself more profoundly than anyone else ever could. Oh, and puppets, dude. My journalism degree did not prepare me to begin to encapsulate any thoughts on something that’s this other-side-of-the-looking-glass. Feel no thanks for this.
People are still pervasively using Internet acronyms to express thoughts that they would never actually say in real life. Like, “for the win.” Who the fuck outside XBox Live players say “for the win”? Additionally, who says these things to describe mundane occurrences, like an update that reads “listening to music, ftw!” Um… congratulations? On winning at that? Also, WTF and FML are a bit aggravating to hear from people, especially those who tend to not cuss. Basically, if you wouldn’t say it in conversation, don’t flood my inbox and social networks with it either. Sometimes I feel like seceding from the Internet. LOL is still okay though, but only when immediately proceeding a statement that does not deserve an actual laugh-out-loud (i.e. “having soup for lunch lol,” “father goes in for surgery tomorrow lol,” etc). Not thankful.
Allergies. Hate this shit, too. 86 Thanks.
There’s lots of other stuff too, but I’m bored of ranting and I’m sure you’re bored of reading it. Sorry for the neg vibes. I hope everyone has a rad long holiday! I hope to see Louisville out tonight at the Phantom Family Halo record release party at Lisa’s! Enjoy some pepperoni.
